The Phrases from My Parent That Helped Us when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was merely trying to survive for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience quickly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You require assistance. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a broader reluctance to talk between men, who continue to internalise negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a display of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a pause - spending a few days overseas, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor actions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, confide in a family member, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can look after your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their pain, changed how they talk, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."